People Who Intended to Read this Book Had this to Say:
“History always bored me. It really did. I slept through more history classes than any other subject in high school. Memorizing names and dates just wasn’t for me; and all the wars? Forget it! Reading this book is different. The main characters are all relatives, great grandparents of some sort. So, I am personally invested in what happens to them. They faced some interesting decisions and some ridiculously difficult challenges. And to think I sweat it when I accessorize an outfit.”
-Rachel Astley, Minneapolis MN
“I find it preposturous that a tenth generation, American woman (nicknamed ‘Whit’)could possibly believe she has the right to claim the throne of England simply because she is descended from the great Kings and Queens of England. It takes a whole lot more than a pedigree to be a Queen of our great nation. It is ridiculous to even suggest that one’s birth alone could qualify him or her to be our monarch.”
-Parlimentarian and Justice William Dunham Rubblestock Milton IV of Closmore Linsdale
“History always bored me. It really did. I slept through more history classes than any other subject in high school. Memorizing names and dates just wasn’t for me; and all the wars? Forget it! Reading this book is different. The main characters are all relatives, great grandparents of some sort. So, I am personally invested in what happens to them. They faced some interesting decisions and some ridiculously difficult challenges. And to think I sweat it when I accessorize an outfit.”
-Rachel Astley, Minneapolis MN
“I find it preposturous that a tenth generation, American woman (nicknamed ‘Whit’)could possibly believe she has the right to claim the throne of England simply because she is descended from the great Kings and Queens of England. It takes a whole lot more than a pedigree to be a Queen of our great nation. It is ridiculous to even suggest that one’s birth alone could qualify him or her to be our monarch.”
-Parlimentarian and Justice William Dunham Rubblestock Milton IV of Closmore Linsdale
“I find it highly improbable that anyone could even think of stealing a castle in England and transporting it, stone by stone, to the states, in carry-on luggage. At least not the carry-on luggage I commonly rummage through as flight security agent in the Greater Rumstock and Dilbey airport here in Flimsy-on-Thames. Maybe a good Samsonite suitcase, or a Spectra 2.0 Global Carry-On, but not your standard carry-on.”
– Aden T. Throckmorton, Devon England
“I object to the notion that the Conservative Party has failed England and that it is somehow at fault for the breach in security measures at Whittington Castle. Funding our national treasures has always been important to the Party and always shall be, just so long as we in the corporate world can maintain our profit margins and exceed our hopes for quarterly returns.”
-Basil T. Rathmullen III, Esq, Wensleydale on Rye England
“I resent the tone of voice the author uses when he casts a British character into one of his fictitious scenes: Walpole, Nibblesby, Hollister, Bitterly et. al, are all good people. I know each of them. It is very disconcerting, as a Brit, to find my compatriots portrayed in a manner that suggests anything less than sterling character and intelligence. Really, it is quite appalling, and I intend to take my complaint to the Registrar for Reporting Offenses to the Sensibilities of Anything British.”
-Magdalene Upton Thatcher, Tipton Darbytown, Wiltshire England
“This book is a superb example of how American public schools have overcome all the odds and produced something that can be considered legible. The choice of fonts, the font size and the paper upon which everything is printed is first rate. I had no problem turning the pages and getting to the end of this text.The author, a product of his own imagination, has created a family history that defies even the most ardent reader to dive in and find something of value. Kudos to anyone who has survived contact with the author!”
-Sir Walter Willoughby Morris II, Timbly Sexton Manchard Crossing, Derbyshire
“I found this book in my son’s belongings in the far corner of the basement once he moved back in after the housing market collapsed, the stock market crashed,and he lost his job. His wife left him for another guy.Sheleft him with this book and a box ofKrispe Kreme doughnuts. I leafed through the book and I would say my son got the better end of the deal when she left him.”
-David Fairsbury Whittington, Salida KS
“I am all about taking something neglected and bringing it back to life. I do that with this book.”
-Dr. Willis C Bass, Last Call Medical Center, Salt Lake City UT
“I had hoped to read this book when I had nothing better to do with my time. That was months ago. Fortunately, my life has been one exciting moment after another,and I haven’t had time to settle in with this epic adventure. But when things slow down, after the Premier League season ends and Britain Has Talent goes into reruns, I might just cuddle up with a warm spot of Earl Grey and a good book. It will help immensely if this book has any photos of Tottenhamplayers standing topless on the pitch.”
-Sarah Lyttleton, Lady Watling of Thimblesby and Tigmore, Wales UK
“Many of these testimonials are bizarre, truly off the wall, and do not belong in a fine history of an illustrious family. I was dumbfounded by the fact that my family descends from so many royal family members and aristocrats. At every turn of the page I was meeting another famous name that I chose to ignoreas a schoolboywhen I slept through world history, Britlit and the plays of Shakespeare. I was nearing the end of this terrific book when another inmate stole it and I can’t transferinto his cellblock!”
-Wild Bill Hempstead, San Jacinto Youth Center, MelatoninCA
“There are so many great stories to be told! For that reason alone,I couldneverstop reading Hemingway! I read everything he wrote. Well, nearly everything. When I finally read his last masterpiece, I turned to this epic. This book isnot Hemingway, but the folks hidingbetweenthe covers of this book are my ancestors and I like the way the author givesthemlife.It’s not Hemingway, orFaulkner, nor Steinbeck.Can’t really think of a comparable author.Can I say then,that this book isincomparable? Yes?”
-Fannie Wentworth Southey, Memphis TN
“This book is nothing if it is anything at all! I couldn’t help but turn every page. I never read a word, but I turned every page.I kept searching for the illustrations.I heard from a reliable source that the author believes his mother-in-law has a rightful claim to the throne of England and my first thought was, ‘Not another woman!’If we must have another queen, let it be Freddie Mercury!”
-Catherine Delsby Chittenham of Candlewood Timbly Breen
“I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Really, I don’t. I put my watch over there on the dresser and the book here alongside my dentures and the next thing I know I am being swept away by security and told that I can’t wear my knickers about my neck the way I do when I go to dinner. What are knickers for if not one’s neck? And now this. I can’t seem to fit my fork into the pastry on the plate before me. I rather enjoyed this book. Does anyone wear camel hair these days?”
-Alice B. Thornes, Lead Singer for Acid Reigns, Melbourne, Australia
“The ‘testimonial’ provided by Ms. Thornes of Melbourne, is proof that generations of interbreeding amongst the aristocracy of the United Kingdom did have a debilitating effect on the genetic make up of present-day descendents. Either that or she overindulgedin self-medication. I suspect both are true.In any case I doubt that she would remember any of us here at the Broken Hill Correctional Centre in New South Wales and the fifteen penalty units we covered for her.”
-David ‘Modesto Pete’ Dawson, Broken Hill
Please read this book. We couldn’t find anyone who had read it, so we used all these ridiculous entries taken from our blogsite over the years. Read this book and send a testimonial and we will provide a token for a parking garage in North Adams, Massachusetts.
